Jealous
by Ziny-DiNozzo
Summary: Addison is jealous, but who is she jealous of? Meredith/Addie. Set after Prom. In two parts. COMPLETE
1. Addison

**Jealous**

**Part 1/2 – Addison**

This isn't right. I shouldn't feel this way.

Well, I should, but I'm feeling it wrong. When I look down at the black panties I found in my husband's pocket I should feel anger. Which I do, he could have at least had the decency to let her keep them rather than stuff them into his tux.

I should also feel jealousy.

And I obviously do but again I'm feeling it wrong. I am so jealous of Derek. Of him. Not for him. That's my main problem. I'm not jealous of Meredith Grey who no doubt owns these panties. I'm not jealous that my husband loves her and that she was the one he screwed at prom. No, I'm jealous of Derek.

Which is crazy.

I should not be jealous that he held her. That he touched her and kissed her and made love to her.

Well yes, ok, I should. But I should be wishing I was her in that situation, that I was the one he held and touched and kissed and loved but no… No, I have to be out of my mind because here I am wishing I was him. That I was the one to have held, touched, kissed, and made love to her.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I know I don't hate her. How can I? Until prom she was completely innocent. And sweet. With big doe eyes that still show how fragile she is. She's the anti Addison, but I know we have so much in common.

Of course the main one is Derek.

Damn it! I shouldn't feel like this. Not for her.

So in a pointless attempt to get her out of my head I wash the panties. And I take them to work. And I pin them to the bulletin board. And I drink.

Joe is good company. Doctor Stevens comes in with a basket of muffins. Her fiancé died. I think absently as I notice that if she wasn't so miserable she would look like Little Red Riding Hood.

Ok, so I'm drunk. I laugh as Stevens asks me not to call her 'doctor' and I tell her not to call me 'Shepherd'. Stupidly I'm imagining what it would be like to be married to Meredith. To be Doctor Addison Grey. It sounds nice. Not as formal. A change.

I shake myself from the thought. I'm not going to marry Grey. Actually, I would not be surprised if she becomes Meredith Shepherd one day. Not that she's the marrying type.

Oh… My cab's here. I forgot I told Joe to… I go to my cab and without really thinking I give the vague directions to Meredith's house. Stevens answers the door and she's confused to see me, yet she welcomes my drunken company.

Meredith comes home and she's walking into the kitchen looking terrified to see me. And so she should, if I was at all sane I would want to rip her limbs off rather than her panties. Bad thoughts!

Actually excellent thoughts. Sexy thoughts. But not thoughts for now. Not thoughts to have about Meredith Grey because I'm standing right in front of her.

I doubt she'd take it too kindly if I try to jump her.

Finally she manages to speak, "Doctor Shepherd." It comes out as a squeak,

I laugh loudly and inappropriately, scaring her, she drops her purse to the floor. I tell her not to call me that then notice that her panties have fallen half out of her purse on the floor.

"You found them." I state, she blushes as red as the hair on my head and I laugh again.

Suddenly I realise I'm still wearing that stupid ridiculous hat I can't remember putting on. I blush and rip it off my head violently and throw it to the floor. Meredith jumps.

"I'm not going to hit you." I say to her, "I'm not here to fight or yell or beg. You've got him. You've won."

I should feel embarrassed by this, because my words are so true and so pathetic of myself. My husband had adulterous sex on prom night. The only thing more cliché then that would be if someone left a baby in the toilets.

Meredith nods but I can see she's still scared as hell, and now also confused.

"You should probably have some water or something Dr She-"she cuts herself off,

"You," I proclaim, a bit louder then necessary, "May call me Addison. And I," I pause, "am going to call you Mrs. Shepherd."

"Please don't" she squeaks,

I laugh and stumble through her kitchen towards her, "Ok then… Meredith."

I grab her wrist and pull her as I stumble into her living room. She follows me reluctantly and we fall onto her couch. We sit in silence and I watch as Meredith seems to be working up the courage to speak to me.

She lets out a long sigh then takes a deep breath, "Why are you here?"

I laugh at the simple question, "Because I'm jealous."

"He's your husband, why are you jealous of me?"

"It's not you I'm jealous of!" I snap, she gives me a confused glance and my hand lowers, stopping on her knee, "It's him," I sigh, "I'm jealous of him."

"Why?" she whispers,

"Because…" even in my drunken state I faulter, so I let out a groan of frustration and I decide to face matter head on. And I lean forward, and I kiss her.

She jolts with surprise but almost immediately she falls into the kiss. Her small arms wrap around me and we cling to each other.

"This is wrong," she mumbles, "This is so wrong on so many different levels." I continue to kiss her, it feels so right to me, "No Addison. We can't." She pushes me away,

"Why can't we?" I ask, "You already fucked Derek."

She winces and I feel momentarily guilty, but it passes quickly.

"Exactly!" Meredith groans, "You're drunk and I'm Derek's dirty, slutty, mistress. And you're probably using me to get back at him. And to get at me too."

"You're not slutty." I frown, "And I'd never use you like that Meredith, never. If I wanted to get back at Derek I'd sleep with Mark again. I wouldn't touch you unless I actually wanted to… Unless I actually felt something."

"And do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you want to? Do you feel something for me?"

I raise my hand and caress her cheek softly, "Yes."

I lean in to kiss her again, but she turns away from me, "You're still drunk."

"So get drunk with me." I grin, Meredith just eyes me carefully, but she stands and leaves the room, returning with a bottle of tequila. Within half an hour the bottle is empty and we are both drunk.

My mind is fuzzy but I don't concentrate on that. I can only concentrate on the feeling of Meredith's mouth and hands exploring my naked body. I'm not quite sure how we got here, in Meredith's room on her bed, but I am extremely grateful for the privacy, we do not need an audience, much less form Stevens and O'Malley.

I wake in the excruciating early hours of the morning with only two hours of sleep behind me. I groan and snuggle into the bed, and consequently Meredith. She blushes and pulls away.

"Last night was-"

"Amazing," I grin tiredly, "Perfect." I know she thinks it was a mistake; I don't need to hear her say it.

She nods awkwardly and flees from her own bedroom and I realise this feeling I have is far deeper than I thought. This feeling I have for Meredith Grey, this completely insane feeling, is so much more than lust.

**Review! Part 2 will be up soon.  
**


	2. Meredith

_hey guys! sorry for the delay, but i ditched what i had (it was crap) and never had time to write (year 11 is a bitch) but here it is at last! I'm still not sure if i like it but i really wanted to updtae today and its deffinitely better then what i had last time. :):)_

**Part 2/2 – Meredith**

I sit on the bathroom floor, leaning against the locked door. This is bad. Very, very bad. I slept with Addison Montgomery, no, Addison Montgomery-fucking-_Shepherd_. Only… well I really am a whore now.

But still.

She says she feels something for me. Why the hell would she? I know it's true, last night she… The way she touched me, like I was something so precious, something worth protecting and loving and… Oh crap, she _loves_ me.

I need to shower.

I jump up and turn the taps, or rather the tap -because there is no need for hot water right now- and as I step into the stream I hiss and shiver violently but I stay there, I need the biting sting right now, so I don't think about Addison naked in my bed and most likely willing to put her fingers--

I hit my self and literally shake the thought from my head, which unfortunately leaves room for the words _home wrecker _to enter my mind. This is bad.

There's a knock on the bathroom door, "Go away!" I yell,

"Meredith…"

Of course it's Addison, I mean George is off today and Izzie… well I'm not quite sure if she's baking or sleeping.

I turn off the stream of water and wrap my body in a fluffy white towel before unlocking the door. Addison is wearing her panties and my over large shirt with the hole near the neck. She steps into the bathroom and looks at me closely.

"Are you ok?"

"No."

She nods, "It wasn't a mistake, Meredith. I know you think it was but it wasn't, at least not to me."

I bite my lip nervously, "You're my boss. And Derek's wife. And I'm with Finn."

"Meredith…"

We stood there in silence, and I shifted my towel around my body, my hair dripping with water, "I hate this! Jesus Christ I hate it."

"What's 'it'?" She asks me quietly,

"I hate that you're right. It wasn't a mistake, it was so perfect. It was amazing. And I hate that I know exactly how you feel, how I feel things for you I've never felt for anyone before. And I _really_ hate that slept with Derek just to get closer to you."

Addison gives me a small sheepish look, "You feel things for me?"

I kiss her.

Her arms move around me and we hold each other close. It's sweet and it's loving, we cling to each other and I notice how we just seem to fit and how this seems so right. This isn't about sex. Not this kiss, not us. It's about emotion, she loves me, I can feel it, and I think… I think I may love her back. There's definitely want there, and need, as well as a bit of lust, but also something I'm not quite sure how to identify, I've never had it before, but it's strong. Stronger then anything I've felt. Including the love I felt for Derek all those months ago. Especially the 'love' I felt for Derek.

"Addison" I whisper, "Addison I think… I think this is…"

"I know."

"But how are we going to…?"

"I don't know Meredith, but… we'll get through it."

I sigh and look into her eyes, "How the fuck did this happen?" I groan, "This is so messed up, the Mrs. and the Dirty-slutty-fucking-whorish-Mistress."

Addison's hand rises to my face and she presses her lips to mine so softly I feel the clichéd butterflies fluttering in my stomach and my eyes close lazily as I let out a small whimper.

"You're not a whore." She says, "You're not slutty."

"But-"

"You're Meredith Grey. That's it. You are Dr. Meredith Grey, and no man, no woman, no deed, defines you."

"It's against the balance of the universe for us to be together." I kiss her, "But I can't help but…" I pause and lean back, away from her, "What about Derek?"

"Divorce papers… I still have them. I signed them actually."

I nod and walk away from her shutting off, "I'm a home wrecker."

"My marriage has been over for more then a year Meredith; I was just too unwilling to let it go." She walks over to me and holds me close, I fall into her embrace, not noticing as my towel falls away, "I love you."

I tense, and look up to her panicked eyes, "I know Addison, and I… I…"

"You don't have to say it back." She murmurs, "I just want you to know I will never hurt you like he did."

"That's the thing Addison, by turning up and introducing yourself as his wife… You already have."

Addison is silent and I stand there naked and still dripping from my shower, my towel abandoned on the floor. "Meredith…" She whispers, "Meredith you have to let me… You have to let me love you."

"But this is wrong."

"You think I don't know that!" She exclaimed suddenly, "You think I don't know that I should hate you for winning my husbands loves when I fucked up my marriage! You think I don't know what people would think, or say, or call us?! I know Meredith, I know! I'm not oblivious to this but I can't fucking help it if I've fallen in love with you!"

"Neither can I!" I yell back,

We stare deep into each others eyes, Addison's blue orbs are full of tears and I thin mine are too because my vision is slightly blurred. I hear a quiet muffling out side and I know we've woken George and Izzie with our yells.

"I'm sorry I hurt you." Addison tells me softly, "I'm sorry Meredith."

I look at her as she wipes her tears on the back of her hand, then I take a step forward, pull my shirt up over her head and take her in a possessive kiss.

I press her against the closed but unlocked bathroom door and I kiss her, devourer her, I make love to her. My hands move over her body and my lips trail kisses after them, I take her and I love her and she comes physically shaking and gasping, no, _moaning_ my name thickly and throatily. I let her come down from her high then kiss her lips softly.

"Meredith." She breathes, "Meredith…"

"I'm sorry I hurt you Addison, I'm sorry about Derek and about everything. But I can't help it either. I love you."

"Meredith…"

"Addison."

She leans forwards and kisses me then pulls back with a smile, "Let's disrupt the balance of the universe."

**review!!**

_**Also** if you don't follow the Meredith/Addison thread on LJ then i would like to tell you that I have ideas for six stories involving Meredith/Addison and I would appreciate your feedback on which one I should work on first (i may get around to all of them, but i may not) the ideas are......_

_  
**P****RACTICALLY DOCTORS** - AU teen fic.__  
Yep that's right, another Highschool story. This one will vary alot and will focus on multiple characters and relationships (which will change through out). This is not a story you will like if you are very "A must be with Z there is no other person for A and no other person for Z. Z must be with A and A must be with Z." As there is no pairing that is consistent through out._

_**SUMMER CAMP** - AU teen. set in, you guessed it, summer camp._  
_Addison, Derek, Archer, Mark, Izzie, Cristina, Meredith and George._  
_Addison/Derek and Meredith/Addison_

_**HUSBANDS AND WIVES** - AU!_  
_Focused around Addison._  
_When Meredith's marriage to Archer Montgomery fails Addison has trouble being there for her friend without taking advantage of the woman she loves._

_**MISTRESS SLOAN** - AU_  
_Addison is married to Mark and even though she knows he sleeps with other women she won't leave him. Until she meets his latest conquest; Meredith Grey._  
_will most likely follow Meredith._

_**ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE **- AU_  
_Addison confronted Derek about his absence, so in an effort to save there marriage they moved to Seattle. But as Derek gets worse then before and Addison gets closer to Meredith Grey is there anything left to save? Addison/Derek. Addison/Meredith._  
_following Addison._

_**HAWAII AND HOME **- AU - ONESHOT_  
_sequel to "L.A. and Lesbians" and "Seattle and Sexuality"._  
_While Meredith is away and how everybody reacts to her relationship when she gets back._

Let me know what you think. Which should i write first? Which idea do you love moire? Which idea do you hate? Should I focus on "_In Your Arms_" before starting a new story?


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